Top 30 Short funny Quotes

Yay, Monday!... Said no one… Ever

- Anonymous

Did you just fall? No, I was checking if gravity still works.

- Anonymous

Your secrets are safe with me, I wasn't even listening.

- Anonymous

I'm not anti-social. I'm just not user friendly.

- Anonymous

Sometimes there's nothing to do until there's something to do.

- Joaquin Torres

Introverts - Unite separately in your own homes

- Anonymous

I wish life was as simple as Calculus

- Anonymous

Is 'Fuck You' an emotion? Because I feel it all the time.

- Anonymous

I don't have a problem with anger. I have a problem with idiots.

- Anonymous

I wish more people were fluent in silence

- Anonymous

Cut my pie into four pieces, I don’t think I could eat eight.

- Yogi Berra

Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.

- Yogi Berra

Life is a disease: sexually transmitted, and invariably fatal.

- Neil Gaiman

Of course, I talk to myself... Sometimes I need expert advice

- Anonymous

How many selfies does it take to get to the center of attention?

- Anonymous

Follows Diet. Diet doesn’t Follow back. Unfollows diet

- Anonymous

A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand

- Barbara Johnson

In the beginning there was nothing, which exploded

- Terry Pratchett

I’m not insulting you. I’m describing you.

- Anonymous

Just keep talking, I yawn when I’m interested.

- Anonymous

Jealousy is a disease. Get well soon

- Anonymous

I’ll try being nicer, if you try being smarter.

- Anonymous