Top 42 Funny Quotes

Home, where I can look ugly and enjoy it.

- Anonymous

I'd agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong.

- Russell Lynes

Monday? I swear it was Friday like five minutes ago.

- Anonymous

Yay, Monday!... Said no one… Ever

- Anonymous

I can't believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That's like 7 years in a row now.

- Anonymous

Did you just fall? No, I was checking if gravity still works.

- Anonymous

Your secrets are safe with me, I wasn't even listening.

- Anonymous

My husband and I are doing a workshop. He works and I'll shop.

- Anonymous

I'm not anti-social. I'm just not user friendly.

- Anonymous

Sometimes there's nothing to do until there's something to do.

- Joaquin Torres

People who tolerate me on a daily basis... They're the real Heroes

- Anonymous

Introverts - Unite separately in your own homes

- Anonymous

I wish life was as simple as Calculus

- Anonymous

My opinion offended you? You should hear what I keep to myself

- Anonymous

Behind every angry woman stands a man who has absolutely no idea what he did wrong.

- Anonymous

Is 'Fuck You' an emotion? Because I feel it all the time.

- Anonymous

I don't have a problem with anger. I have a problem with idiots.

- Anonymous

I wish more people were fluent in silence

- Anonymous

Cut my pie into four pieces, I don’t think I could eat eight.

- Yogi Berra

Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.

- Yogi Berra

Life is a disease: sexually transmitted, and invariably fatal.

- Neil Gaiman

Of course, I talk to myself... Sometimes I need expert advice

- Anonymous