Anonymous Funny Quotes

Home, where I can look ugly and enjoy it.

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Monday? I swear it was Friday like five minutes ago.

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Yay, Monday!... Said no one… Ever

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I can't believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That's like 7 years in a row now.

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Did you just fall? No, I was checking if gravity still works.

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Your secrets are safe with me, I wasn't even listening.

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My husband and I are doing a workshop. He works and I'll shop.

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I'm not anti-social. I'm just not user friendly.

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People who tolerate me on a daily basis... They're the real Heroes

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Introverts - Unite separately in your own homes

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I wish life was as simple as Calculus

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My opinion offended you? You should hear what I keep to myself

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Behind every angry woman stands a man who has absolutely no idea what he did wrong.

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Is 'Fuck You' an emotion? Because I feel it all the time.

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I don't have a problem with anger. I have a problem with idiots.

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I wish more people were fluent in silence

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Of course, I talk to myself... Sometimes I need expert advice

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How many selfies does it take to get to the center of attention?

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Follows Diet. Diet doesn’t Follow back. Unfollows diet

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Sorry for being late. I got caught up enjoying my last few minutes of not being here

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I’m not sarcastic. I’m just beyond your understanding.

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Just keep talking, I yawn when I’m interested.

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